Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
