Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
