bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
