Umm I'm too high to move.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We need to get me chipped asap
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
