and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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