You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
