Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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