I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize