No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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