chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
