Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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