i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
