Dude my mom stole all your condoms
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Two words: nipple clamps
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