so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
