i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
