So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
