Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
