Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
