How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I smell like Dick and happiness
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
