This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
