there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
