Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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