awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
