I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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