I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
the raccoons are back...
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