I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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