So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼‍♀️
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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