You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Randomize
