My liver just broke up with me...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
