we have officially lost it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
