Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
