No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
