So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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