Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
