You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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