Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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