I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
