You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
