So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
