I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize