I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
