Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I have already put on my inside pants.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
