At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
