I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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