guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
