He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize