I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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