What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
