I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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