I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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