we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I AM VODKA MAN
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
