I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
