Banned from zoo.
Again?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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