Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
