You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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