you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
