btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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