my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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