so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
