you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
