he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
