i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
