I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My cat gives me a boner
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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