She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
