I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize