I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
