i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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