Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
