I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize