Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
