I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
