Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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