look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
