her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
