OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
