his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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