considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
