He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
