remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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