I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
