Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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