The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
