What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
