my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I came so hard my ears popped.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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