For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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