this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
