Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
