I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
