Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
