Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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