You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
