ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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