i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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