Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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