Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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