I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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