i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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