So drunk its hurt
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
