Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He felt like a one man threesome
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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